• Focusing on the situation, issue, or behavior, not the person.
• Maintaining the self-confidence and self-esteem of others
• Maintaining constructive relationships.
• Taking the initiative to make things better.
• Assuming personal responsibility and positive intent.
• Leading by example – asking yourself:
• How can I contribute today?
• How can I show you that I respectfully disagree?
• How can I show you that while I might disagree, that doesn’t make you wrong?
• How can I show you that I understand you and what you are saying?
• How can I share the truth with thoughtfulness?
• Looking for the good intentions and positive in others
• Listening carefully and respecting all cultural and personal differences
• Apologizing for being mistaken or expressing regret for processes going awry.
• Saying please and thank you (they go a long way).
• Taking the moment to pause and reflect before acting and/or speaking. In that moment, asking yourself if your actions and/or what you want to say meets the following criteria:
• Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it helpful?
• If you cannot answer “yes” to the four criteria above, you might want to reconsider your actions or keep your thoughts to yourself.

• Loud verbal and angry outbursts
• Interrupting others, rolling eyes, heavy signs, or making disrespectful gestures in response to coworkers’ ideas
• Frequent, disruptive interruptions
• Inflammatory Emails, passive-aggressive communication
• Belittling or humiliating comments aimed at coworkers
• Refusing to engage respectfully in discussions or debates

Workplace incivility is any behavior that disrupts the normal flow of work, it can be a belittling comment, rude email or ongoing tension. These types of interactions are unpleasant and harmful to the workplace culture we strive to maintain at The New School. It can be difficult to know how to respond in real-time in these moments. To be prepared to respond to incivility as it is happening, you may benefit from becoming familiar with de-escalation training methodologies.

De-escalation training can generally help employees improve their safety and reduce the risk of harm in situations involving aggressive and/or uncivil behavior. It can also help employees learn to manage anger, rudeness, and incivility in the workplace.

The following techniques may help you de-escalate a tense situation and intervene in an instance of incivility.

• Active listening: Encourage employees to listen actively to one another’s perspectives to understand the root cause of the conflict. Give your full attention, nod, and ask questions.
• Empathy: Show empathy, for example, by saying something like “I can imagine how frustrating this must be for you.” You don’t have to agree with what the person is saying. It is important to practice non judgment and show genuine concern.
• Respect: Use framing for tense situations that can help in this: “We want to remind you that we speak to you with respect, and we assume you will speak to us with respect, too.”.
• Tone, volume, and body language: It is important to remain in control physically. Speak calmly and monitor your volume. Keep a relaxed stance and avoid pointing your finger.
• Paraphrasing: Allow employees to express their feelings in a safe, private place without interrupting them. Paraphrase what you heard and ask for confirmation. When a person feels heard, it may help alleviate tensions.

Other useful interventions may include:

• Collaborative Problem-Solving: Work together to find mutually beneficial solutions that address the needs of all parties involved.
• Mediation: Bring in a neutral third party to facilitate a conversation between conflicting parties and help them find a resolution.

If an employee brings a complaint to your attention, please thank them for trusting you to assist in the matter. It is important to hear all sides of an issue before taking any employment action. If an employee’s behavior is disruptive or threatening, request support from the human resources department before attempting to have a conversation about observed behaviors.

Referral to our employee assistance program provided through Aetna and other resources may be appropriate and we are happy to help you handle any such referrals. Support should also be offered to employees who experience incivility in the workplace in encounters with co-workers, customers or randomly when on the job.

Professional and respectful communications is a requirement and an expectation for everyone at The New School. Accountability goes beyond completing tasks; it reflects our shared commitment to fostering a community grounded in empathy, respect, and care. When we hold ourselves and others accountable, we create an environment where each person can thrive and feel valued.

Effective accountability is rooted in active engagement. It requires us to:

• Take ownership of our behavior and its effects on the team.
• Communicate openly and respectfully when issues arise.
• Support and encourage one another in maintaining a civil and inclusive atmosphere.
• Address breaches of civility with honesty and integrity, promoting growth and learning for all involved.

When encountering incivility in the workplace, it can help to be prepared to effectively address and correct the behavior.

Follow these steps to initiate constructive conversations:

1. Setting the Stage with Values

• "Our workplace values respect, collaboration, and kindness, and it's important that everyone contributes to maintaining that environment."
• "We all play a role in creating a supportive and inclusive workplace, and kindness is a key part of that."

2. Addressing Specific Behavior

• "I’ve noticed that some recent interactions haven't aligned with our standards of respect and kindness. Specifically, [give example of the behavior]. Can you explain what happened from your perspective?"
• "Sometimes, actions or words may be intended positively but can have unintended consequences. It's important to recognize that the impact on others can differ from our intentions. For example, the way [describe the behavior] came across might have unintentionally affected someone negatively, and that is not in line with the tone and respect we expect here. I want to understand the situation so we can address it effectively."

3. Holding Them Accountable

• "Moving forward, I expect all interactions to reflect kindness and respect, regardless of the situation. This is non-negotiable for maintaining a positive workplace."
• "It’s important to understand that how we communicate impacts everyone, and unkind behavior will not be tolerated. Let’s talk about ways to prevent this from happening again."

4. Reiterating Expectations

• "I need you to take ownership of how you interact with your team. If issues like this continue, we’ll have to look at further steps to ensure the team dynamic isn’t negatively affected."
• "We are here to support each other, and if this kind of behavior continues, we will need to have a more formal conversation about what that means for your role within the team."

5. Offering Support

• "If something is going on that’s affecting how you’re interacting with others, please let me know. We can discuss ways to support you, but the expectation remains that everyone is treated with kindness."
• "Is there something causing this behavior that we can address together? We want to ensure everyone can succeed in a healthy environment."

• Addressing Workplace Scenarios with Civility
• Understanding Communication Styles
• Reset Conversation Framework
• Restorative Conversation Framework
• Apology Framework

• Conflict Resolution in the workplace (overview)
• Moving toward conflict for the sake of strategy
• How to control your emotions during a difficult conversation
• Mindful Listening
• HBR: Make Civility the Norm on your Team
• Civility in the Workplace
• Rebuilding Connections: How to Navigate Conflict and Repair Relationships at Work
• Civility Can Be a Double-Edged Sword in the Workplace

• How to Receive Feedback: Power, Difference, and Inequity
• The Manager’s Guide to Relationship Building

HR Events

Visit (and follow!) our HR Events & Office Hours card for information on upcoming events, trainings, and workshops.

Other University Events

• Talking About the Hard Stuff: The Faculty Center will run a number of one-hour sessions throughout fall 2024 on how to create space for discomfort and dialogue. Review upcoming session dates and RSVP for a virtual session here. Sessions are open to New School faculty and staff.
• Provost's Office Events Hub: The Provost's Office hosts and organizes a wide range of events for students, faculty, and staff. With the goal of fostering a supportive and inclusive environment for members of our university community and the general public, workshops, panels, roundtables, and receptions are held throughout the academic year.

• Creating a Culture of Care
• Be a Part of the Change